While most folks are writing resolutions and looking forward to 2012, I’m going back to 1972 or thereabouts, even earlier, on what has just shown up here in the hinterlands as “Me TV.”
I don’t get cable. Never wanted to pay for something that encouraged me to sit on my behind more than I do. I was a bit jealous of those who could watch re-runs of “Bewitched” on “Nick at Nite,” however.
No more – I get “Me TV” for free! http://metvnetwork.com/schedule.php
Once High Definition TV came in, we got more local stations. Normally, that is not a bonus. Some would say it was a penalty, as in, “Oh, great, now we can watch the same abysmal local TV morning shows on two local channels simultaneously!”
But one of the local stations subscribed to something called “Retro TV,” which was great for seeing Thomas Magnum, P.I., in his short-shorts. (Funny, even though I was sexually active in the 70s, I don’t remember the shorts and Selleck’s endless legs, I just remember the shirts open to his waist in every shot…). It was not so great because the variety was limited, and “Daniel Boone” episodes were on three times a day.
This new service, which apparently stands for “Memorable Entertainment TV,” is exactly that. I often have the TV on while doing household chores, and, since I am a single mom with a dog who sheds (no “doodle” end on the “labrodoodle” for us), I spend a LOT of time doing household chores.
Recently I practically danced a jig (old, retro term for “extreme happiness”) when I could watch “Gunsmoke,” “Bonanza” and “The Big Valley” back-to-back. I half-watched (mind you, I am not sitting on said behind glued to every word, but multi-tasking while getting the jist of most of it) them all.
With that, and other half-watchings in the past few weeks, here is what I discovered:
These shows seem much, much different when watched through 50-something eyes than those with a childhood or young adult perspective.
For example, the “Gunsmoke” episode with Charlie the Indian brought me to tears, the poor guy was so discriminated against, tortured and even bullied by the local kids and adults, for which people commit suicide today, and then, worse, he was set up for a crime and wrongfully shot for it. How tragic is all that! Ben Cartwright at least tried to help him. I probably missed a lot of that message when I was 10. And Festus was downright creepy when I was 10, with that lazy eye and dragging that zombie leg. Now, Miss Laura thinks he’s a right nice plain spokin’ single guy with a big heart in the right place, and if he asked me to dinner at Miss Kitty’s saloon, I might just take him up on the offer. (If you've been single in the hinterlands long enough, Hoss Cartwright looks pretty good, too. Another nice, under-rated guy.)
It pleases me no end to come up with some obscure name from my long-term memory of an actor that time apparently has forgotten, but Laura Zahn has not (e.g. Earl Holliman or Zalman King). I even enjoy placing them in future roles, al beit it takes me a day or two to do it (I believe Holliman starred opposite Angie Dickinson who played a police person named “Pepper” in some god-awful cop show whose name I have repressed). And I get a huge kick out of seeing them in a couple of these classic shows in a few days (Holliman died a painful gunshot death in “Bonanza” just a day before he showed up as a guinea pig air force enlistee in “The Twilight Zone.”)
A lot of these stars are dead. In fact, some whole casts. The only one alive in “Bonanza,” for instance, is David Canary, who played good-guy “Candy” and who enjoyed a long, successful career as bad-guy Adam Chandler in “All My Children” (not to mention his good-guy twin, Stuart Chandler, who was mentally-challenged and showed Canary was really a pretty good actor, better than the Candy character allowed him to show…and a great head of hair remains, even if it is white). The entire “Bewitched” cast is deceased, as well.
I am agog at the outdated mores and sexist and racist roles and how environmental issues have changed. June Lockhart, who went from Timmy’s mom in “Lassie” and had to fight discrimination in city hall, to the “Lady MD, she’s as pretty as can be at the junction, Petticoat Junction,” ended up in “Lost in Space,” but still with no more clout than the mission commander’s wife and space mom. Ed Ames played a “half-breed” Indian in “Daniel Boone,” but the full-blooded characters never seemed to be played by actual Native Americans (nevermind the inaccurate story lines around how Native Americans actually lived). Buffy and Jody in “Family Affair” let loose their exotic pet hamster pair in Central Park (OMG this probably led to the python problem in the Everglades), and Betty Jo and Steve Elliott’s baby had an allergic reaction to crop-duster Steve’s insecticide-covered jacket – which was laughed off (DDT was shown to not be a laughing matter) in “Petticoat Junction.”
Single fathers didn’t do it alone. Brian Keith as Uncle Bill had Sebastian Cabot as a butler. Steve Douglas (Fred McMurray) in “My Three Sons” spent a lot of time reading the paper because he had Uncle Charlie to cook and clean, even after son Robbie married Katie, who certainly could have helped a little around the house because she (of course) didn’t work. Sherriff Andy didn’t raise Opie (who is still the cutest, sweetest child actor EVER) without Aunt Bea’s help in Mayberry. Ben Cartwright had a Chinese cook and three grown sons to help (OK, it was a little odd that none of those guys married or partnered up, and they helped on the ranch but didn’t lift a finger on housework)...Single mothers? Like who? That came later, much later.
And speaking of Uncle Bill – I had one, and he was gay. Unlike my Uncle Bill, who lived openly with his partner, poor Lee Majors in “The Big Valley” and Robert Reed in “The Brady Bunch” had to be straight, and Paul Lynde (Uncle Arthur in “Bewitched”) lost a starring role in the Donny and Marie Show in 1978 after being arrested outside a gay bar in Salt Lake City. Gay women? Like who? That came later, much, much, much later.
Michael Landon as Little Joe Cartwright is still the best-looking man on TV.
Some of these were really, really good shows. Some were really, really bad. I still think “M*A*S*H” and “the Dick VanDyke Show” and “the Mary Tyler Moore Show,” with grumpy Mr. Grant and cougar Sue Ann Nivens and narcissist Ted Baxter and quirky neighbors Rhoda and Phyllis, were some of the funniest ever. And “Batman” and “Lost in Space” were some of the worst, especially in terms of sets. They must have cost about a nickel to make, with giant buttons and gizmos seemingly made out of cardboard and sparkle glitter. It’s fun to look at those now and see how far special effects have come.
And it’s fun to share “Batman” POW! and THUNK! fight scenes with a 16-year-old who never knew them, only the film re-makes, and show him what real TV was like, back in the day.
Today we have dismal reality TV like “the Bachelor” and that house where a bunch of young adults all live and sleep together. And I’d put the writing in any of today’s dramas up against the writing in the Charlie the Indian episode of “Bonanza,” or even the “Big Valley” episode where the neighbor’s new young wife was romantically attracted to her stepson and paid dearly for it.
But in terms of women, GLBT, minority and environmental themes, we’ve come a long way, baby. I don’t want to go back to the past. But I do like to re-visit my childhood TV shows.
What time is “Hullabaloo” with Bobby Sherman going to be on?
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